


Falling (again) for you?

by AlwaysEverlark



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, And More Angst, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ex Boyfriend, Ex Girlfriend, Exes, F/M, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining, Rey is frustated and a mess, There will be a HEA, blame Ben, blame the peanuts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-02-12 19:47:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21481831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlwaysEverlark/pseuds/AlwaysEverlark
Summary: Curious Cat Prompt: "Rey attends a dinner where her ex Ben is present. She is too distracted to pay attention to her food and ends up having an allergic reaction. Ben is the only one who has her prescription, even though they broke up months ago."
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 198
Kudos: 556
Collections: Reylo Prompt Fills (@reylo_prompts)





	1. REY

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my amazing beta Here4theReylo for thinking in a title for this fic, for checking all my mistakes and because she’s the fastest beta ever!!
> 
> I hope you are all ready for the #BenSoloTrainOfPain

She knew it was a bad idea from the moment she accepted the invitation. She knew there was a small chance Ben would be there and she knew (deep inside) that she wasn’t ready to meet him again, but she talked herself into going. 

There were many sensible reasons for Ben to not be at Poe Dameron’s birthday party. Although Ben and Poe has known each other longer than Poe knew Rey, there was no denying than Poe was now closer to Rey since they worked together. Ben was too busy to attend a birthday party and he was most likely at the First Order’s Singapore headquarters. He knew Rey would be attending for sure, and the last words he had told her were “In that case, I don’t want to see you again.”

Those words still haunted her at night, which was as improvement for her since before they haunted her day and night.

As soon as she crossed Poe’s door, she saw Rose and Finn. She waved hi, walking over to them, but instead of returning her smile, Finn motioned to the kitchen. Rey stopped dead on her feet and her heart stopped beating as she could see a familiar shape among the crowd in the living-room. 

He was here. Ben was here, and her first thought was to run to him and hug him, hide her head on his strong chest and not move again. But before she could even react, Rose and Finn took her by her arm and dragged her to the guest room, closing the door behind them. 

“Shit Rey, don’t you ever check your messages? I swear I don’t know why you have WhatsApp. Are you ok?” Finn said with eyes full of concern.

“We tried to warn you about Ben,” Rose said. 

Without a word Rey walked to the door and opened it, just enough to observe him from the safety of the dark room.

Ben was looking at Poe and at a petite gorgeous blonde with big green eyes. She hadn’t seen him in eleven months and he looked good, too good for her heart: dressed in a black t-shirt and black jeans, as always. His hair was longer though, nearly touching his shoulders, her favourite length. The longer the better, in Rey’s opinion. She could still recall the first time she ran her fingers through his hair... and the last time. As if he could read her mind, he moved his hand to his head and started to brush his hair. Rey’s heart clenched but she shouldn’t have been surprised. They had always shared a strong connection since they met, although Ben’s opinion was that their connection was forged before they physically met, that they were the two halves of a same soul and that he could hear her voice in his dreams since forever. 

She used to laugh at him when he said that type of thing. Not because she didn’t believe him, but because she was afraid and tried to hold her feet to the ground, take things slow. She was an abandoned child, abandoned more times she’d like to admit; by her biological parents, by fosters families, and ultimately by Maz, who she considered her real mother, when she died. She was scared of Ben abandoning her too, even after two years of their relationship. But she had to admit to herself that she too, knew Ben before they met. She had seen him in her daydreams... and in her nightmares since he (as she had predicted) left. 

He looked a bit thinner than the last time she was in his arms. She knew his body as she knew hers, maybe even better. She had spent hours looking at him and running her fingers over his muscles and skin while Ben sighed happily under her touch. 

She couldn’t see his eyes from were she was, only his profile: his high cheekbones, his roman nose and his full lips. She wished she could see his eyes though. Ben’s eyes were like an open book to her. She could know what he was feeling or thinking just with a glimpse. Again, as if he could sense her, he moved his head, looking in her direction and then to the entrance door. Rey gasped and stepped back.

She needed to calm down before she could face him.

“Rey, Rey,” Finn called her “we’ve been talking to you but you zoned out. Are you ok?” 

“Of course she isn’t ok. Ben is here,” Rose said, reminding them of a fact that wasn’t needed to be reminded.

“I don’t know” she said truthfully with a small voice. “What is he doing here?”

“It’s Poe’s birthday” Finn said as a matter of explanation.

“Finn!” Rose and Rey exclaimed, Rey with a hint of desperation in her voice. 

“What?” He replied as he didn’t understand the reason of their despair.

“Men are useless sometimes” Rose stated. “We came a bit earlier to help Poe, and Zorii and Ben were the first to arrive. They came together: him and Zorii. Do you remember her?” Rose asked and Rey shook her head, so Rose continued the explanation. “The three of them are childhood friends, they used to spend their holidays together in Martha’s Vineyard.  
Poe had invited Zorii as she moved some weeks ago to NYC and she came with Ben. Poe didn’t know he was coming either but of course he welcomed both. He told us to text you, but you didn’t read the text...”

“And here we are, hidden in the guest room“ Finn finished for her, and after a pause he asked “What do you want to do, Peanut? We can sneak out” he offered.

Rey bit her lip before asking “They... they came together?” 

Rose and Finn looked at each other before answering her “They arrived together, that doesn’t mean anything. They’re childhood friends.” 

But Rey didn’t know, and she never knew, because Ben never spoke about his life prior to meet her and she never pried. She was willing to give him the time he needed, but he never opened totally to her, and that still hurt and infuriated her. 

She would have given him everything but he didn’t want to give her anything in return.

“I’m ok. I don’t care” Rey said, anger fuelling her words and clouding her brain “he can fuck her if he wants. We are not together, we shared a past and Ben only understands life erasing his past, his failures as he calls them. I’m nobody to him now, we’re nothing.”

“Rey, sweetie” Rose tried to reach to her hand “I don’t think you are ok, let’s go” 

“He ruined my life. He doesn’t get to ruin this night too” Rey said breathing hard to stop the pain in her chest and walked out of the room with her chin up.

Before she could get halfway across the room, Ben’s gaze found her. She was ready this time, but he wasn’t and Rey could see how he gasped. Zorii realized too about Ben’s nervousness and put a hand on his arm. He looked down at her and she nodded. Rey’s blood was boiling when Ben got in front of her.

“Hi... Rey” and his voice faltered when he said her name. God how she had wished to hear his voice again saying her name. How she had missed it, but Ben Solo wasn’t to get his way as he had many times before, just because he knew how his voice affected her. 

“Hi” she said avoiding pronouncing his name.

“Rey, do you ... I need to speak to you. Can we go somewhere more private to... to chat?”

“No.”

“Gosh... This more difficult that I had anticipated,” he said to himself more than to her. “Please.”

“What do you need to tell me after fucking 11 months Ben?” She hissed at him.

“Rey... please” he said approaching, only one foot step away. But she couldn’t think when he was so near. It was too much Ben. 

“Leave me alone Solo” she hit him in the shoulder to make a point and then she turned around and went to the buffet.

“That was unnecessarily harsh,” said a female voice.

Rey turned around slowly to see Zorii standing in front of her.

“And who are you?” Rey spat. 

“I’m Ben’s friend,” she answered smiling, seemingly unimpressed by Rey's rudeness.

“It’s funny because he never mentioned you” Rey said with irony and she took a big spoonful of food. She really needed to calm the fuck down or she was going to... suddenly she felt an unpleasant and familiar wave of heat spreading from her face to the rest of her body. She lifted her eyes and found Ben’s eyes across the room, her panic reflected in his eyes.

She brought her hands to her throat when she noticed how it was swallowing and the plate crashed to the floor, the food flying everywhere.

“Rey!” Ben shouted and ran to her, but before he could reach her, her knees bent, her body collapsed and she hit her head on the floor. Within seconds he was by her side. “Rey, babe, what’s wrong?”

She tried to speak but she could barely breathe, with a lot of effort she turned her head and looked at the food. Ben understood the problem quickly.

“Peanut sauce? Poe did you order peanut sauce? Man you know she’s allergic!” Before Poe could answer, Zorii answered.

“No, it was me. Poe asked me to order some catering, our first date was in a Thai restaurant so I thought ...” but she didn’t finished the sentence as Ben interrupted her.

“Can someone call a fucking taxi or ambulance or something? Rey, Rey can you breath?” she tried to shake her head but her body wasn’t responding anymore. Her eyes were closing, she was tired and her head throbbed from the fall. She could feel as something thick dripped on her hair. “Rey, you have to open your eyes and breathe, can you hear me?” he said caressing her cheek. She nodded while pushing her face to his hand. “When is that ambulance going to get here?” He shouted again in panic.

“5 minutes, 10 minutes maximum,” Finn answered 

“We don’t have 10 fucking minutes. We are going to lose her! Rey look at me, keep breathing, please. Don’t stop breathing. I’ll come back, sweetheart I promise.” He stood up and vanished. His sudden absence hurt her more than whatever wound she had in her head.

She tried to breathe, she really tried but each inhalation was tougher than the previous one, and she could only think about seeing Ben again, if she was about to die she wanted to die in his arms, because it was the only place she ever felt at home... but Ben wasn’t there and finally she closed her eyes.


	2. Ben

Ben had been back in NYC for two months. He hadn’t told anyone about his return, but then again he hadn’t told anyone either when he decided to move permanently to Singapore after his breakup with Rey. 

His initial arrangement with Snoke was he would be six weeks in Singapore and one in NYC.  
He thought it was a good arrangement, and it took him weeks to get Snoke to agree. It was going to be initially a nine-month acquisition deal. This deal had the potential to move his career up, but it was going to require some sacrifices on his part.

Snoke wasn’t happy, Snoke was really disappointed with him, he had expected that Ben would to be totally committed to this business and instead he found Ben concerned about his personal life but Ben was the only who could do that job, so he agreed and signed that contract and that NDA with a little amendment he fought hard to include... but everything went to hell the night he told Rey. 

When he came back “home,” from Singapore, he realised home wasn’t his old apartment anymore, the one he shared with Rey. The one she left behind. He actually couldn’t stand living there anymore, with her gone.  
He was thinking of selling it and buy a smaller one in a less expensive neighbourhood. He was jobless after all, and although he had some savings and a good trust fund, it was the sensible thing to do. He didn’t know when or if he would find another job; Snoke was powerful and knew everyone working in Corporate law in New York, and probably even the entire U.S.. He had threatened Ben, he told him he would never be able to work again... and he knew Snoke was telling the truth.

He laughed at himself. The “almighty Ben Solo,” as Snoke used to call him, was now pathetic. He had lost his job (well technically he had resigned but the outcome was the same), but most important he had lost the woman he loved, the person he cared for the most, the only good thing that had happened to him in his 35 years. Rey was too good for him, he knew that from the moment they met, but inexplicably she fell in love with him too, they shared something different.  
Ben wasn’t a romantic, he didn’t believe in destiny or soulmates ... but somehow that changed with her when they were together. From the first second they met he felt a pull to her, a pull to the light he had buried when he gave his soul to Snoke and First Order Associates. But he had lost her in the process.

Tonight was going to be the night he spoke to her again after eleven months. He wasn’t going to chicken out this time, not like the last several weeks when the only thing we could do was stare at her from a distance, hiding himself from view. His intention when he set out for Resistance Inc. was to pretend it was a casual encounter; tell her he was back, tell her he quit his job, tell her he was sorry and that he still loved her that he, in fact, never stopped loving her. Maybe too much for a casual meeting, but he was desperate to get her back.

He went into the small cafe across the street to gather some courage, and he had just ordered a tea when he saw her leaving the building. There she was: young, beautiful and strong, she was laughing out loud with Finn and Poe, her arms hugging her ribs, and he couldn’t get up out of the chair and approach her. She looked happy today, why was he going to ruin her day? He had already ruined too much.  
It became a habit. He went some days to the cafe, hoping that day would be the day he was brave enough to approach her. Once he even waited on the sidewalk, but that day he met Zorii again which was a blessing for his sanity. They always got along. She was a good listener, so it was no surprise when she chose psychology, while Ben and Poe were more talkers than listeners (very different styles though; Poe was charming and Ben was intense). Of course, their paths separated and their lives diverged, each of them in a different college and in a path to adulthood.

“Ben Solo” a feminine voice said, tapping on his shoulder.

Ben turned around to find his childhood friend. He looked at her and he found the same eyes and understanding smile she always wore when looking at him. 

“Zorii, Zorii Bliss… how long has been?”

“Too long, Ben” she said approaching him to hug him. He stiffened for a moment, unable to recall the last time someone hugged him, let alone touched him.No one since Rey. He was wearing his loneliness in as an armor. “Are you waiting for Poe too?”

Ben frowned at hearing Poe's name; he wasn't ready for this little reunion yet. “Listen Zorii, I need to go. Don’t tell Poe you’ve seen me…it’s complicated.” Zorii nodded, but before he left she told him “Don’t be a stranger Ben. Here’s my number if you ever want to talk, and you look like you could use a friend. That was your problem Ben, you never wanted to tell anyone about your issues... and you need to let it out.” 

He ended up calling her a couple of days later. The burden was too heavy on his shoulders and it was killing him slowly. Desperate times require desperate measures, and for Ben to spill his heart out was a desperate measure.

The restaurant that Zorii had chosen was small and warm and not very far away from his own apartment in the Upper East Side. They spent the dinner with small talk, talking about safe stuff, mainly memories they shared together. When the desert arrived, Zorii spoke.

“I don't think you know but Poe and I have started dating very recently, we haven’t told anybody… well except you, but are the first one. We want to figure out what we have together before we label it.”

Ben smiled He knew Poe and Zorii had been attracted to each other since forever, it was obvious and only a matter of time in his opinion. “I’m happy for both of you,” he said sincerely.

“And what about you, Ben? Poe doesn’t speak too much about you, but he has mentioned a couple of times how you vanished after the breakup with some girl.” 

Ben couldn’t even look up from this glass of wine and said “I think I need to drink more to answer that.”

“Take your time, we are no in a hurry, but I think the wine won’t help you.”

He didn’t know where to start, but once he found his voice again he couldn’t stop. He explained how he put distance between him and his family, how the legacy of his heritage was suffocating him, how he needed to show everyone he was something more than just the son of Leia Organa and Han Solo. Snoke had offered his help and he took it. He was too young, too foolish to realize he was selling his soul to the devil, his ethics and his moral compass compromised, but he had everything under control... until he met Rey.

He thought he knew what he wanted in life, but she turned his life upside down little by little, day by day. When she left, he was lost, and he dove into the darkness only to realize this wasn’t what he wanted at all. That night defined his future.

“I guess I was blind, or maybe not, I just lied to myself and thought everything would be ok” Zorii nodded and he kept with the story, he could picture it in his mind as it was happening just in front of him, maybe because he had relived that conversation in his head countless times since that night.

—————————————————

“Hey, I’m home! where are you? I have some news,” he said walking to the kitchen. It was one of Rey’s favourite rooms: it was spacious and with big windows facing south. Besides, she loved to eat, something pretty normal since as a child she didn’t eat every single day. Ben treated her, since she moved to his apartment, and had weekly groceries delivered with her most-liked food.

“I’m in the kitchen,” she said, closing the fridge. “I’m soooo hungry… lately” and rolled her eyes in a dramatic gesture.

“You are always hungry” Ben said laughing, warmth spreading through his body every time he saw her happy. “Good thing I have a nice salary. You are very expensive,” he mocked her.

“No, really, I’m famished,” she said slowly biting an apple and winking.

Ben gulped looking at her, was she implying? It couldn’t be… well it could be of course, their sex life was pretty intense, but they were careful and they never had this conversation before. “Are you…?” he stopped for a moment before blurted “you aren’t pregnant, are you?”

Rey looked at him with a bemused expression , but soon enough she realized he was panicking with the possibility and a tense shadow crossed her face. “I’m not but would that be so terrible?” She said sounding disappointed.

“No, but… but it would bad timing,” He answered and stopped there when he noticed Rey’s puzzled expression.

“Ben, what do you mean? Because you promised me that you were going to cut the hours you were working for that mons.. for him” she said in anger, nearly slipping what she truly thought of Snoke.

“And you promised you would respect where I work!” He shot back, raising his voice, and frowning at her.

“Ok, fair enough,” Rey conceded, but crossed her arms and challenged him to continue with her gaze “but tell me what is going on.”

“I’ve been offered a good promotion, if this acquisition is successful. It’s a good opportunity Rey, I’d be a partner, the youngest ever. The firm has been around for more than thirty years, and this is the first time Snoke is opening up the possibility of including someone else’s name on the door. It is my chance Rey, our chance.” 

“How would that make it so you could spend more time with me, Ben?” She didn’t look thrilled, but to her credit she had calmed down. 

“I could choose the cases I want to work on, I won’t need to invoice hours to my customers so it wouldn’t be about the quantity, just the quality of work and management of course, but I’ll be the owner of my time. Sure sometimes I would need to spend extra time for an important merger or acquisition of for a big customer but overall it would be better. Please, I need you to support me on this. It’s important. Please,” he begged, and extended his hand to caress her arm.

Rey flinched at his touch for a very short moment but the action didn’t go unnoticed by him, and that hurt him further. He realized he couldn’t avoid this fight any longer with her.  
“And this merger” She spat, “How long will it take?”

“Nine months maximum,” He said noticing Rey had relaxed her shoulders and released the breath she had been holding, but then he dropped the bomb. “In Singapore.”

“Pardon me?” she yelled. “Did you just said Singapore? that’s the other side of the world Ben, what are you thinking? When do you have to go? What is this business even about?”

“I’ll need to go in a couple of weeks but I have signed a non-disclosure agreement, Rey, I can’t speak about it,” he said unapologetic, which only lit her fire further.

“How dare you make a decision like that without speaking with me before? This affects both of us,” she said pointing with her finger between the two of them and raising her voice too. “Ben, this is the kind of shit you always do. Puting Snoke before me, before your family. I’m beyond mad at you. Do you realize we’re not going to see each other for weeks, for months? Singapore isn’t a place I can go for the weekend.”

“Do you think I’m that dumb, Rey? I’ve thought about that, I told Snoke I will need to come back to New York one week out of six, it took me weeks to convince him to agree to that and about…” but he stopped abruptly when he saw she was getting livid.

“Weeks?” she asked through her teeth, “you’ve known about this for weeks and you’ve hidden this from me, when we’ve been planning to have some time off together and travel somewhere?”

“I thought you could come to Singapore,... maybe” 

“Because in that case, you’d take some time to be with me?” she asked knowing the answer too well. “I’m not doing this Ben.”

“It’s only nine months Rey, for god’s sake, why can’t you understand that?” he said, crashing his glass to the floor, water wetting his shoes and the bottom of his suit.

“Perhaps, if you have told me before, if you had spoken to me, I’d understand it, but you’re asking me to trust, not you, but Snoke on this. How do I know those nine months won’t turn into nine more months, Ben? That man has you in his fist and you can’t even realize. I’m barely going to see you, and I know how your brain works when you’re immersed in a project. It’s all you can talk about, but this time you won’t even be able to speak with me about it. He’s isolating you Ben.”

“That isn’t true, I know you dislike him and despise my work like my family does. If the only thing concerning you is that we couldn’t speak about my job, I managed to include an amendment that if we married, I could talk to you about business. We could go to the City Hall, ask for a license, sign it and this issue would be resolved. It isn’t a big deal,” he yelled. As soon as the words slipped from his tongue, he knew that he had said it in the wrong moment, with the wrong tone and the wrong words, but he was too angry to apologize to her at that moment.

“So you want to me marry you just to speak with me about work? This is very romantic, Ben” she said with tears in her eyes but anger in her voice. “This is exactly how two adults in a committed relationship get engaged.”

“Are you talking about commitment, really Rey?” he laughed at her. “Because it took you months to move to this apartment once I asked you to move in with me. It took you months to introduce me to your friends. I’m not the one afraid of commitment, so let’s be honest, this is all because your parents abandoned you, they threw you away like garbage and you always project that insecurity onto our relationship. You’re so afraid of being nothing again that you can’t realize I lov…” but he never could finish the sentence because she slapped him, horror reflected in her face.

“Ben Solo, you’re a monster,” she said, looking at him with what Ben interpreted as hate, the word monster stabbing him like a knife. Memories of his parents saying that same word about him when he was a teenager and got in nasty fights with his schoolmates .

“In that case, if you think that about me, I don’t want to see you again and I want you out of this house now. NOW ” he shouted at her. Rey was paralyzed in her spot, unable to articulate a sound for a couple of minutes. Ben turned around to face the window, unable to hold his tears back. He listened to how she approached him, how she sobbed heavily behind him. He was about to collapse and he couldn’t afford her to see it, so he let her go. The next thing he heard was the door closing.

—————————

“You still love her, don’t you?” Zorii asked, bringing him back to reality. He nodded. “Then you need to forgive yourself and apologize to her, Ben.”

“I know, but … I’m so scared,” he cried, hiding his face in his hands. “what if she says no?”

“But what if she says yes?” Zorii smiled “Relationships are complex, Ben. Maybe she’s gotten over you romantically, maybe not, but even in the worst case don’t you think it’s better to know the truth and heal the wound?”

And so here he was, at Poe’s birthday. Zorii told him days ago to go, but he had decided at the last minute, because he had a silly hunch that he needed to be there today, so he called her and they went together. Early enough for Poe to know, so he could tell Rey he was going to be at the party.

Ben was nervous as hell. Would she come? Most likely she would avoid his presence, or maybe she wouldn’t care anymore. He couldn’t stop looking at the door, until he saw her looking at him and he forgot to breathe. Gathering all his courage, and after a reassuring nod from Zorii, he went to her.

“Hi... Rey” he said without knowing what else to say, his one thousand rehearsed speeches forgotten and he could only focus on her glassy green eyes.

“Hi” Rey replied. Ben noticed her icy voice, no trace of warmth or care.

“Rey, do you... I need to speak to you. Can we go somewhere more private to... to chat?” 

When she said no, it was like someone hit him in the gut. This wasn’t going to be easy, but he deserved it, he deserved her anger and her coldness.

“Please.” He begged.

“What do you need to tell me after fucking eleven months Ben?” She spit while approaching one step, and oh she was so close now and yet so far away from him. 

“Rey... please.” He tried again.

“Leave me alone Solo,” and she turned around. He stood there a few more seconds before heading where Poe was to say goodbye. He better go, before he could make an even bigger fool out of himself.

And then it happened, that hunch again. Instinctively he looked at Rey only to find her scared eyes and her hands on her throat. He ran to her, but she fell and hit her head against the edge of the table as she dropped to the floor. 

“Rey, babe, what’s wrong?” He asked although he already knew, he once witnessed one of Rey’s allergic reactions to peanuts,, but that was less severe before; now she was suffocating. The ambulance wasn’t going to be there soon enough, and he needed to think and act quickly. She often carried an EpiPen in her handbag except when she changed it by a small purse to go out … like most likely today he realized. 

“I’ll come back, sweetheart I promise.” And he ran to look for her coat and purse. The room was full of clothes, he started to discard pieces of clothing and bags… he didn’t even know what purse she brought! He was panicking, he was never going to find it, he was going to lose her. His car! He thought he had one in his glove compartment in his car still. He couldn’t throw it away, he thought to do it when it was past the used-by date, but the truth was he had been reluctant to cut any more ties with her. Luckily his car was parked in front of the building.

He stormed out of the apartment, jumping down the stairs and nearly breaking his ankle in the process, “Slow down, Solo” he lectured himself.

Out of breath he reached his car, found the EpiPen and was back to the apartment before the ambulance got there. Rose was still by Rey, who was motionless, all the color drained from her face, her lips blue. He administered the shot and she gasped. He took her hands and brought them to his lips, kissing them, realizing his cheeks were wet with tears. He lowered his face and his forehead touched hers.

“Hold on, babe, don’t go. Don’t leave me alone, please Rey,” he whispered to her. She was still losing blood and unconscious, but had regained some color. “Where is that ambulance?” He cried out before hearing some noise at the entrance.

“Get out of the way,” Poe shouted to the crowd to let in the EMTs. They worked in silence, perfectly coordinated. In only a few minutes, they had stopped the bleeding from her head, intubated and immobilized her head and neck, but their gesture was grave.

“We are bringing her to the Chandrila hospital. That shot has saved her life and now she’s stable, but her situation is still critical and need further analysis to rule out any brain damage.”  
“I’m going with her,” Ben replied holding her hand tightly.

“Sir…” 

“I’m not leaving her alone,” he stated with a menacing glare, gritting his teeth. Thankfully, the other medical assistant nodded finally and they went out to the ambulance.

“Ben, we will meet you there. Don’t… don't let her go,” Rose said, nervousness written all over her face.

“I won’t. I promise. I’m not letting her go again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my wonderful beta Here4theReylo and for reading the story, please leave your comments it really motivates to keep writing, one more chapter and we are done! 
> 
> And sorry for all the angst in this chapter it was needed


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been struggling with the ending of this story for months, what I had in my mind from the beginning seemed rush and it didn't fit with how chapter 3 was developing, more angst than I was expecting.  
Bur finally this week , inspiration hit me again and I got what I hope is the perfect ending, although that means one more chapter and a most likely change in the rating too.
> 
> I've increased the chapter count up to 4. 
> 
> I hope all of you enjoy this update,... please leave all your comments!

Rey wakes in a blurry white room, surrounded by beeps. Her head is throbbing and her throat is raspy. She can’t keep her eyes open and focused long enough to make out where she is.

Flashes of sirens, an ambulance, commanding voices talking about blood pressure and vital signs come to her mind. And in the midst of that haze, a light touch on her cheek and a familiar voice saying: _ “Please babe don’t die. I promise you, I’ll leave you alone, but you need to live Rey... the world is better just because you are in it.” _

“Ben” She thinks, “Ben was here.”

She tries to make sense of more images popping up in her head: food, Poe’s birthday. Ben with a blonde woman, her inability to breathe...her head really hurts and before she can put all the pieces together she drifts off. The last thing she notices is a big and warm hand engulfing hers.

Next time Rey opens her eyes, she is more alert. She is in a hospital, that much she can tell, she moves her head to the right, at that moment, Poe and Rose who are sitting by her bed in two chairs realise she’s awake.

“Rey!”

“How do you feel?”

Both of them say in unison, with big smiles on their faces.

She tries to speak but coughs instead. 

“Hey, here… have some water,” Rose says, fetching her a glass of water. 

She drinks it carefully, her throat sore with each sip. Rey used that moment to get her thoughts straight. She remembers it was Poe’s birthday, she remembers speaking to Rose and Finn… she remembers seeing Ben, him crossing the room to meet her and she snapping at him. She remembers his hurt puppy eyes when she bumped into him and she remembers her conversation with Zorii and the anger that invaded her. As a result, she ate that peanut sauce and she felt her throat swell.

She remembers looking at Ben before everything faded away black.

Her face goes livid. It wasn’t a dream. He was really there. Her hands shake when she gives back the glass to Rose.

“Are you ok?” Poe asks.

She means to ask first what happened, but the words she speaks are different.

“Ben was here.” a long, heavy silence ensued. She can see they are uncomfortable with her statement, but Poe finally nods and tells her everything: how she fell down because of the allergic reaction hitting her head, how she would have died if Ben hadn’t found the Epipen, how he refused to let her go alone in the ambulance. 

She has to ask another question, although she’s not sure she wants to know the answer, but she hears his voice again resonating in her memory:

“_ Please babe don’t die. I promise you, I’ll leave you alone, but you need to live, Rey.” _

And that gives the courage she needs. 

“Where is he now?”

Rose rushes to answer her. “He’s been here for two days. He hadn’t moved from your side until the doctors assured him you were out of danger and forced him to go home to take a shower and sleep a bit. He told us to text him if you wake up.”

“Give me my phone,” Rey says to Rose, extending her hand.

“Sweetie, do you think this is a good idea? you’ve just woken up, you need to rest.”

“I’ve waited eleven months.”

  
  


**Rey**

_ “Hey. This is Rey” _

**Ben**

_ “I know who you are. Hi” _

**Rey**

_ “Just in case. It’s been eleven months” _

**Ben**

_ “And four days” _

_ “How do you feel? I’m really happy you woke up” _

**Rey**

_ “I’m still a bit dizzy and the wound on my head hurts. Besides, my throat is raspy and sore” _

_ “Poe and Rose told me what you did… so yeah” _

**Ben**

_ “Oh yes, no worries. It’s nothing” _

**Rey**

_ “Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks” _

**Ben**

_ “You’re welcome” _

_ “Rey” _

**Rey**

_ “Yes?” _

_ “Ben, stop typing and tell me whatever you want to tell me” _

**Ben**

_ May I see you again? At the hospital? _

**Rey**

_ I don’t know Ben. _

_ No, I don’t think so _

**Ben**

_ I understand _

**Rey**

_ No, you don’t… it’s just ugggh!! _

_ This is fucked up. _

_ Listen it’s just too early, ok? I’m not ready, not yet. _

**Ben**

_ I’m really sorry Rey, for everything _

**Rey**

_ Just thinking about you makes me cry and my heart hurts even more…you broke my heart Ben. _

**Ben**

_ Shhhh sweetheart please don’t cry. Please don’t _

_ Shit sorry, I shouldn’t have called you that. _

**Rey**

_ No, you shouldn’t have _

**Ben**

_ I know Rey. _

_ I won’t disturb you anymore. You need to rest. _

_ Good night _

**Rey **

_ Good night. _

_ Ben? _

**Ben**

_ I’m still here _

**Rey**

_ You could text me though. _

_ In a couple of days, if you want. _

**Ben **

_ I’d like that very much. _

_ Thanks Rey and good night . _

**Rey**

_ Good night Ben _

  
It’s been two days (and five hours) since Ben last texted her. He’s tried to restrain himself from texting her although he’s been in touch with Poe and Zorii to be sure she was ok, and he knew as soon as she was discharged. He’s been pacing in his apartment ever since.

_ Ok Ben _ , he thinks, _ you can do it, stop behaving like a fucking teenager. _

He decides he’s waited long enough. After all, she had given him permission to text her when she was home. 

**Ben**

_ Hi _

**Rey**

_ Hi _

**Ben**

_ How are you? Poe told me you were back home _

  
Silence… he stares at the screen but Rey isn’t texting back. He’s getting anxious, his hands sweating, when finally 20 minutes later he receives her answer. A very short answer.

  
**Rey**

_ Yes _

**Ben **

_ Is this a bad time? _

_ We don’t need to talk if you don’t want. _

_ I just texted you because you told me I could, but no pressure. I don’t want to impose. _

**Rey**

_ No, it’s ok. I was just getting out of the shower. _

_ But it’s ok now, we can talk if you want. _

**Ben**

_ How are you? _

_ Your head? _

_ Your throat? _

**Rey**

_ Feeling much better, only a bit dizzy after being in bed for 4 days. _

**Ben**

_ Are you alone? _

**Rey**

_ Yes, why? _

**Ben**

_ If you feel dizzy you could fall and hit your head again. Call someone Finn, Rose, Poe… _

**Rey**

_ It’s Friday evening Ben, everyone has their own plans. _

_ I’ll be ok, I’m just going to sit down on the couch and watch season eight of Game of Thrones. _

**Ben**

_ Oh! I was going to do the same. I’m on episode 2 though _

**Rey**

_ How was the first one? _

**Ben**

_ It was ok, not my fave. Had a couple of interesting moments but but they could've done better with the characters. _

_ Did you have dinner? _

**Rey**

_ Not yet, will get something while I watch the show. _

**Ben**

_ No popcorn Rey _

**Rey**

_ SHBEJWKSB….maybe? _

**Ben**

_ Rey, you need to eat. _

_ Do you have something at home? _

**Rey**

_ Besides 🍿? 😝 _

**Ben**

_ Rey… _

**Rey**

_ I don’t. I didn’t have time to buy groceries. _

_ But ok, I’ll get the message. I’ll order some pizza, better? _

**Ben**

_ Order a salad also and we have a deal, ok? _

**Rey**

_ Oooooookkkkkkk _

**Ben**

☺️ _ thanks _

_ Good night Rey. _

_ One more thing, promise me you will call them if you start feeling worse. _

**Rey**

_ Good night Ben _

  
  


Ben decides to go for a run. He’s too anxious and sad and he can’t stop thinking about Rey. Last time they watched Game of Thrones, it was in this same apartment, he still remembers how Rey trapped him with her knees and sat on his lap repeating the marriage vows of Westeros. She said they were creepy, and she was smiling while kissing him, but her eyes said otherwise. In that precise moment is when he got the idea of asking her to marry him. He never got the chance to ask her properly, because he was a fucking idiot.

When he returns from the run, he looks at his phone and finds Rey’s text.

  
  
**Rey**

_ Hey, have you watched episode 2 yet? _

**Ben**

_ No, I went for a run, was going to start in 15min, why? _

**Rey**

_ I just have a bad feeling… _

**Ben**

_ Danny and Jon? _

**Rey**

_ Yeah 😱 _

_ Do you want to watch it at the same time? We can talk about it? I am too nervous for the next two episodes _

**Ben**

_ Sure, give me 15 _

**Rey**

_ Thanks Ben _

  
  
He starts typing, “thank you sweetheart” but before sending the text he realises and deletes it. She isn’t his sweetheart anymore.

**Ben**

_ Let’s do this! Are you ready? _  
  


The two episodes go as blur, he’s paying more attention to his phone than to the episode. He’s tempted to FaceTime her, but he thinks better and gives her the space she needs. They’re doing this on her conditions and he’s happy enough to comply.   
  


**Rey**

_ Sooooo that wasn’t too bad. They are still alive... although poor Theon and Jorah 😭😭😭 _

_ Also it felt a bit anticlimactic.. the ending _

**Ben**

_ Yes... it felt weird, incomplete _.

_ And I loved the move and Arya killing the Night King... but from a narrative point of view, I thought it was going to be Daenerys or Jon ... idk 😐 _

**Rey**

_ Yes, I feel the same … _

**Ben**

_ I have a bad feeling Rey… _

**Rey**

_ Yeah, me too. _

_ It’s very late, and I’m tired ... I think I’m going to sleep _

**Ben**

_ Sure, sleep well _

**Rey**

_ You too _

Although she didn’t lie to him, she can’t fall asleep when she goes to bed. She is tired, and she needs to rest but her mind doesn’t cooperate, she can only think about Ben, it has felt so real. It has felt so right!

They have done this before, when he was on one of those hateful business travels. They would FaceTime and watch something together, and then he didn’t hang up till she was in bed sleeping. Sometimes those moments were more than sleeping and Rey would touch herself listening to him doing the same. It was hot, but never as good as having Ben’s fingers between her legs. Instinctively, she lowers her hand to her lower abdomen. Oh Gosh she’s so wet it’s uncomfortable. She bites her lower lip and sees his face, his moles, his lips… she’s about to come just by conjuring a distant memory. This is bad, a really bad idea but she’s way too far in her own pleasure to stop. When she comes, she does it with his name on her lips, and with the tension released she’s able to sleep. 

She wakes up to a bip from her phone. 

**Ben**

_ Hey, are you at home? _

**Rey**

_ Yes. Why? _

**Ben**

_ Oh, just thinking we could watch another episode? _

_ If you want _

**Rey**

_ Isn’t it a bit early? _

_ ... but why not? I don’t have anything else to do today _

**Ben**

_ Ok, tell me when you’re ready _

**Rey**

_ Hold on a second, someone is knocking at the door. _

**Ben**

_ Ok _

**Rey**

_ Ben... where are you? _

**Ben**

_ I’m at ... home? _

**Rey**

_ No, you aren’t! Did you just leave two big bags with food in my front door? _

**Ben**

_ I don’t know what you’re talking about Rey _

**Rey**

_ Yes, you do! Don’t play fool!! _

**Ben**

_ Did you see anybody? _

**Rey**

_ No… _

**Ben**

_ Then maybe it could be an elf? _

**Rey**

_ Ohhh you think you’re funny? _

_ You’re in so much trouble Ben Solo! _

**Ben**

_ Really? _

**Rey**

_ Ohhh! There’s so much food in here: greens and fruits and pasta and cheese... _

**Ben**

_ (((Pssst look in the other bag, at the bottom))) _

**Rey**

_ OMG!!! My favourite cupcakes !! From that bakery in downtown!! _

_ Ben, you didn’t have to! _

**Ben**

_ Again, it wasn’t me 😇 _

**Rey**

_ ok, so we are doing this... aren’t we? _

_ (((Thanks Ben. I love it ))) _

**Ben**

_ (((You are welcome))) _

_ (((And NO PEANUTS!!!))) _

**Rey**

_ (((Ouch you are such a dork!))) _

**Ben**

_ I just want you to be safe. You scared me to death, Rey. _

_ I thought I was losing you forever, even if we aren’t together anymore... You are still the most important person in my life. You always will be _

_ Sorry I’m spilling my guts and I know you don’t want to hear it. But I’m sorry, Rey _

_ I am so sorry for what I did to you, to us. _

_ I never thought what my decision would mean to you, to our relationship. I just thought we would figure it out. I was so selfish _

_And the way I spoke to you. I’ll never forgive myself. Never_

**Rey**

_ Ben, stop _

**Ben**

_ And I knew as soon as you left our apartment that it was a mistake that I should run after you, but I didn’t. I needed months to finally realise how much I screwed it up this time _

**Rey**

_ Ben please, I can’t do this _

But Ben can’t stop now, he feels his walls crashing down, and tears forming in his eyes, he writes out of instinct, words pouring from his heart. _ “I ruined our relationship, because that’s what I do, I ruin everything, but I love you sweetheart, I love you so much it hurts” _

He looks at his screen and realises he can’t send her this message, he’s being selfish again. She doesn’t want to hear this. 

He deletes the text character by character and writes instead _ “You are right, I am sorry, I’ve ruined your day. Hope you enjoy the food. I have to go now... some errands. Talk to you soon” _

This time he presses the send button and throws his phone to the floor. 

Rey stares at the screen of her phone, her heart beating fast, faster than it should be, she notices the heat in her face and on her neck, her hands shaking. 

She can’t answer him, because she doesn’t know what to say, or even worse she does know what she wants to say. Her heart wants him, even if it’s still broken and that’s the problem. He broke her heart, he abandoned her, like everyone before... she isn’t sure she can’t forgive him. She doesn’t know if she can ever trust him again, but when she sees him and his stupid handsome face, his intense eyes, his luscious hair and his broad shoulders, when she listens to his voice or even when she reads his words ... she gets lost in Ben Solo, in her Ben, and she could forget everything. 

She needs to remind herself that Snoke turned him, and sank his claws into his heart. Her Ben doesn’t exist anymore. Snoke won and she lost.

“Gosh Ben,” she says out loud to the empty room. She’s pacing back and forth like a wild animal in a cage. She gets her phone again and starts typing furiously.

**Rey**

_ I need to get drunk _

_ And I don’t want to get drunk alone. Are you busy? _

**Rose**

_ Now? It’s midday! _

_ Why? What’s going on? _

**Rey**

_ Do you really need to ask? _

**Rose**

_ No, I don’t… Ben _

**Rey**

_ Yes, Ben 🤯 _

**Rose**

_ Are you still on your painkillers? _

**Rey**

_ Not since last night. Pills won’t help with this type of pain. I need you Rose, please. _

_ And I need vodka too. _

**Rose**

_ Ok, but let’s start with a cocktail 🍹 _

  
  


When Rose gets to her apartment, they go straight to the kitchen, no words spoken. That really confirms Rose’s suspicions that the situation is bad. She knows Rey needs her time to speak and to open up, so she tries to lighten up the situation with small talk.

“Besides the vodka, I thought we would need some healthy food and snacks, so I bought… wow,” she exclaims when she sees the kitchen full of food and paper bags “Look at you, girl! I’m so proud of you. I haven’t seen your kitchen so stocked since…” 

“Don’t!” Rey says while moving her finger in an authoritative gesture, and Rose stops realising it was Ben.

“I can’t talk about him, not yet. I need some Bloody Marys first and as you’d have noticed I said ‘some,’ not just one.”

By the third cocktail she feels much better, laughing at some of Rose’s silly stories of her family and their friends. 

“And what about that time Ben went run down the river trying to catch your boot and he ended up all soaked?” 

“Hey, it wasn’t my fault, it was rocky and he didn’t want my feet to get hurt. But then Poe missed the shot, and Ben, the gentleman, claimed to have the ridiculous idea that …. “ the memory hits her like a thunderstorm. “We always argued about that, he was fiercely protective, like I was a delicate flower he needed to keep from harm.

I hated that.”

“See, not everything was perfect,” Rose says, a bit concerned looking at her.

“Of course not,” Rey agrees, forcing a smile.

“Let’s toast to Ben Solo’s flaws,” Rose says in an attempt to cheer her up. 

“I’ll start. He had that presumptuous smirk whenever he was right about something. It drove me crazy” Rey raises her cocktail and Rose follows.

“He was intimidating when we introduced someone new to him. All broody and quiet.” 

“Oh yes, I still remember Finn’s face when Poe introduced him to us. ‘That guy is a jackass,’ he said.” Rey laughs and drinks another sip before adding, “but I thought his intense gaze was sexy as hell and I couldn’t take my eyes from his arms and chest the whole night.”

“Yeah well, that man is built like a wall,” Rose jokes.

“I hated how he got restless if he didn’t workout two hours per day… although I didn’t mind at all when my fingers ran over his abs.”

“Oh girl, I still remember how jealous you got when we went to the beach and those teenagers were giggling around him. You said ‘fuck my non-PDA rule’ and jumped on him. Ben had that stupid lovesick grin the whole trip after that,” Rose laughs. “He was so dumb.”

“Let’s toast to that, because he hasn’t changed a bit,” Rey spits.

“Rey, do you want to talk now?”

“I am not sure... I am still not drunk enough. I just want to forget him,” she exclaims, “but you are here because of me, so take and read this.”

Rose takes Rey’s phone and reads the whole conversation.

“Hmmm, this is typical Ben.”

“It is, right? So selfish and so thorough.”

“Yes… but it’s Ben, Rey. Sweet Ben.” Rose bites her lip and looks at her trying to decipher what she’s thinking.

“You aren’t helping here Rose. We’re trying to hate him!”

“But do you really hate him, Rey? Because denying whatever feelings you might still have…”

“I hate him, Rose,” Rey yells and stands up, pacing up and down the room. “I hate his stupid handsome face. I hate how his voice makes me shiver. I hate missing his warmth. Rose, you have to believe me, this man is like an oven and even on the warmest summer night he wanted to cuddle. We always ended up all sweaty, but I didn’t mind. I hate that I cannot forget the way he kissed me, the way he made me feel safe and encourage me to follow my dreams, how he tasted, the way he made my body sing. The only time I’ve attempted to get laid in the last year with that guy from the speed date, was a disaster because his lips felt off on my mouth and his hands on my body didn’t give me chills. His hair was too short and his eyes weren’t brown enough… why is it just so difficult to move on?” She asks, covering her face with her hands.

“Because you didn’t get proper closure. Not even a goodbye, Rey,” Rose explains with a sad edge in her voice.

Rey snaps her head up and looks at her friend.

“Exactly! You are a genius Rose!” She exclaims, laughing and crashing on her couch. “That’s the answer, isn’t it?”

“I don’t follow you, Rey.”

“Sex surely couldn’t have been as good as I remember it. It’s just because I have an idealised version in my head. Because that day when I walked out, I never believed we were done, not till weeks later. We need one more time, a very last time to realise how imperfect we were.”

“Do you mean having sex with Ben one more time?” Rose chokes. 

“Yup!” Rey says, smiling. “Hate sex.”

“That’s a terrible idea, Rey. You are drunk, I am drunk, it’s not the best moment to make a decision like this. Promise me you will think about it tomorrow once you are sober… oh gosh my head” Rose says, rubbing her temples. “I need to go home. I’ll call an Uber.”

The driver arrives in five minutes and Rey walks out Rose. 

“Thanks for being with me today, Rose. You’re the best friend,” Rey says, hugging her friend. “We’ll talk tomorrow?”

“Promise me, Rey.” 

“Ok, ok… I’ll wait till tomorrow.” 

When she closes the door, she looks down at her watch. It’s close to midnight, so technically in five minutes it will be tomorrow. Rey grabs her phone and types “You owe me, Solo,” and waits till the watch shows it’s one minute past twelve. 

**Rey**

_ You owe me, Solo _

**Ben**

_ I don’t understand Rey _

**Rey**

_ It’s eesy, u owd me 1 mkre time _

**Ben**

_ Sorry, I’m lost. What do you mean? _

**Rey**

_ Your dumb Swolo, cute ... bat soooo damb _

**Ben**

_ Swolo? What’s going on, Rey? _

**Rey**

_ Did u kow we used tu call u lke that? Rose and I? Ghenwe met.. _

_ Shit i cnnot spell... too meny blody maris _

**Ben**

_ Are you drunk? _

_ aren’t you still on your meds? How did you think that was a good idea!? I know you’re smarter than that _

**Rey**

_ Apparently no.. _

_ And I’m tipsy ! Not drank! &I was with rouse _

_ I mean Rose _

_ And… _

_ And all of this is YOUR fault _

**Ben**

_ My fault? How come? You asked to leave you alone and I did so _

**Rey**

_ cuz we didn't get closure, and I’ve tried to move on, speed dating and all that but I’m fucking mad at u and I need closure _

**Ben**

_ And what do you want me to do Rey? Tell me because I’d do anything for you _

**Rey**

_ You owe me one _

**Ben**

_ Yes, you’ve told me that much... what does it mean _

**Rey**

_ It couldnt be that good. You couldn’t be that good. _

**Ben**

_ ??? _

**Rey**

_ Sec Solo _

_ Shit, I mean SEX _

**Ben**

_ you want to have sex with me? _

**Rey**

_ Yes _

**Ben**

_ To forget me? _

**Rey **

_ Yes, I want you to fuck me one last time _

_ But I’ve my conditions _

  1. _ No kissing_
  2. _ I just want your body_
  3. _ And more important, no ... Shit I don’t remember, what was I thinking? It doesn’t matter now, we can talk about this tomorrow_

_ Deal? _

**Ben**

_ Rey… _

**Rey**

_ Listen, you messed up my whole life. I need to move on. You owe me this at least _

**Ben**

_ I need to think about it _

**Rey**

_ You have 24 hours Solo to choose, but you will walk out of my life and leave me alone with or without sex... understood? _

**Ben**

_ Ok _

  
  


Ben doesn’t sleep that night. He keeps staring at the whole conversation, debating if he should answer at all.

He is frustrated. He knew he went too strong that morning, nearly telling her how much he loves her, how irredeemably in love he is with her, how there’s been no other woman in the last year, and how there never will be. So It hurt when he read about Rey dating, about Rey being kissed by other men, sleeping with other men... the images were driving him insane. 

He hides his face in his hands and groans. What is he going to do?

He should forget about it. She will regret it tomorrow and maybe, just maybe, she will want to keep him around sometimes, like casually meeting on a friend’s birthday, or to watch some movies over FaceTime. Platonic is better than nothing.

But there’s another part of his mind that can’t stop thinking about being with her one more time. He’s dreamt about it so many times he should be ashamed. He wants to feel her skin against his skin, wants to hold her tight and hear his name falling from her lips. He wants her, of course he does, but not just one part of her. He wants every single part of her.

But it isn’t going to happen, unless…

He will wait till tomorrow and see if she backpedals. if she doesn’t, he’s going to ask for some conditions too. Two can play this game. She may want to forget them after their tryst. He, instead, wants her to never forget him after that night. 

**Rey**

_ I did remember the third condition: no cuddling_

**Ben**

_ Good afternoon to you too, Rey _

**Rey**

_ Is that a “no” or can I keep going? _

_ Solo? I’m waiting… _

**Ben**

_ Fine _

**Rey**

  1. _ I’ll choose the location (not my house nor your house)_
  2. _ You don’t get to call me any endearing name (no sweetheart no babe) Or mention anything about our past_

_ Are you in? _

**Ben**

_ Yes, but I have some questions _

_ And requests _

**Rey**

_ Shoot _

**Ben**

_ No kissing? Anywhere? _

**Rey**

_ No kissing on the mouth, obviously _

** _Ben_ **

_ Obviously 😏 _

**Rey**

_ Don’t make me regret this Solo _

**Ben**

_1\. You will call me Ben_

_2\. Lights on_

**Rey**

_ I can do that... anything else? _

**Ben**

_ Yes. You will look at my eyes _

_ Deal? _

**Rey**

_ Deal. This weekend. I’ll let you know the time and place.. Solo. _

**Ben**

_ I’ll see you .. sweetheart _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh yes! they're breaking already their rules
> 
> Please leave your kudos and comments.. it will help me to write chapter 4 faster 😆


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *** epilogue added ***
> 
> Link below in the notes

**Rey**

The Dominick Hotel. Saturday at 7pm. The room is under my name.

**Ben**

I’ll be there 

**Rey**

Don’t be late, Solo. I won’t wait for you

Again!

**Ben**

You never waited for me Rey. That is why we are in this situation

**Rey **

Oh... is it my fault now? You left!

**Ben**

I asked you to wait for me!!

**Rey**

I am not sure this is a good idea anymore…

**Ben**

I am sorry. It’s just…

**Rey**

What Ben? Say it

**Ben**

You are right. We need closure. I’ll be there and I won’t be late

**Rey**

Good. See you on Saturday

**Ben**

Sure 

He stares at the screen of his phone. "The Dominicks" he thinks and smiles because he knows what he has to do but he’s going to need a bit of help and he suspects he is going to need to provide a lot of explanations.

**Ben**

Hi Mom, does Amilyn still own The Dominicks?

**Leia**

Hi Ben. Yes, she does.

Ben

Can you send me her contact information?

**Leia**

Why?

**Ben**

I need to ask her a favor 

**Leia**

A favor?

**Ben**

Long story mom

**Leia**

You can tell your father and I on Saturday

You’re still coming for dinner, aren’t you?

**Ben**

Yeah ... about that. I can’t

**Leia**

Brunch on Sunday?

**Ben**

I hope not…

**Leia**

I'm gonna need a better explanation, Ben

**Ben**

Please mom

**Leia**

Do you still want Amilyn’s contact?

**Ben**

You know I do

**Leia**

Spill son

**Ben**

You are still a manipulative politician, mom

**Leia**

It’s called “negotiation”

**Ben**

Ok

Ok

It’s Rey

**Leia**

Oh Ben! You are making me the happiest person in the world! Take your time, we will wait, we don’t need to see you this weekend …

**Ben**

Mom! It’s not like that 

**Leia**

Sure, son...

**Ben**

We are just going to talk

**Leia **

In a hotel? In a five-star hotel?

**Ben**

Neutral territory 

**Leia**

Central Park is neutral territory too

Anyway, listen to me

DON’T SCREW THIS UP AGAIN 

**Ben**

I’ll try mom

**Leia**

I’m sure Ben. I love you 

**Ben**

Love you too

Ben sighs and looks through the window. It’s a warm and sunny day and he lets himself hope. His plan could backfire, but he needs to try, he needs to show her that she’s still his whole world. 

He takes his phone again and types out a message to Amilyn Holdo.

  
  


**Ben**

Hi Amilyn, this is Ben Solo. My mom sent me your contact info

**Amilyn**

Hi Ben, yes Leia told me you’d be reaching out

**Ben**

Wow! That was fast. I spoke with her literally 3 minutes ago

**Amilyn **

You know Leia, why wait for something that can be done right now 😉

She told me also to say yes to anything you ask, because you’re trying to win back the love of your life

**Ben**

Ok... this is embarrassing

**Amilyn**

You’re lucky I’m a romantic, Ben

So, what do you need?

  
  
  
  


Rey enters the luxury hotel, hands sweaty, heart racing, stomach knotted. She takes out her phone for the tenth time. It’s five past six. She debates if she should text Rose for reassurance, or if she should just text Ben and call the whole arrangement off.. What was she thinking? _ It doesn’t matter now _, she thinks, shaking her head. She’s doing this and she will end this stupid ache she’s had since he left… and this stupid longing.

She approaches the front desk with determined steps and waits patiently for her turn.

“Welcome to The Dominicks,” a middle-aged man says. 

“Good afternoon, I have a reservation for tonight. My name is Rey Johnson”

“Oh yes, Miss Johnson. Please could you hold on a second,” the man says and he turns around, picking up a phone in a separate desk. When he returns with a smile, Rey is thrown off.

“Is everything okay?” Rey asks, confused.

“Of course. Mrs. Holdo will be here in a few minutes, and she will guide you to your suite. You can wait over there,” the receptionist says, pointing at two comfortable sofas to her right.

Rey plays with the hem of her skirt, questioning her attire once more. She’s wearing a flared skirt and a striped boat neck sweater in soft pastel colors. She will never admit to anyone but she’s spent too much time dressing up for today which is nonsense. First, because she doesn’t care about Ben’s opinion, and second, because she doesn’t plan to wear it for a long time, and yet…she bites her lower lip when a voice says her name.

“Miss Johnson?” a slender, elegant, and very tall blonde is standing in front of her.

“Yes, that’s me” she says jumping from the couch and shaking her hand.

“I’m Amilyn Holdo, nice to meet you. May I ask you to come with me?” she says, gesturing with her hand for Rey to follow.

They enter the elevator and Amilyn introduces a card and presses the penthouse button.

“There must be an error,” Rey says. “I booked a standard room.”

Amilyn smiles sweetly before replying. “No, there’s no error. You work for Resistance Inc, and we have an agreement with them. We upgrade whenever we can.” 

“Oh, I see… but,” Rey hesitates and looks to the ground fighting her rising blush. “But, this isn’t work related.”

“It doesn’t matter, we have a 365 day agreement for employees.” The elevator chimes announcing they are on their floor. 

When Amilyn opens the door to the suite, Rey gasps. It’s beautiful, floor to ceiling windows looking out over the Hudson. The room is all decorated in soft colors, glass and steel. There are bouquets of calla lilies everywhere, and there’s a sweet aroma surrounding her.

“I hope you like it.”

“Oh it’s amazing, but I don’t really think this is necessar...”

“Dear” Amilyn says, interrupting her. “Treat yourself. There’s some Prosecco in the fridge. A hotel courtesy. If you need help opening the bottle, you can call the concierge. Enjoy your stay at the Dominicks.” And with that, Amilyn leaves.

Rey drops her purse on one of the couches and explores the suite. Next to the living room, there is a kitchenette, a couple of rooms, a guest bathroom and what seems to be the master bedroom. It’s huge, and the bathroom is fully equipped: shower, sauna and a jacuzzi. 

She gets back to the living room and pours a glass of wine to calm her nerves. Rey looks at her phone. He will be here in twenty minutes. She thinks about texting him to let him know she’s already here, but she thinks better of it. She collapses onto the couch and breathes in slowly, waiting for the time to pass, but only five minutes later she’s relentless and decides to pace the room. 

Five minutes before seven, there’s a knock that startles her. 

“Ok. The moment of the truth,” she says to herself. She tidies up her skirt and sweater, and opens the door.

He’s there, right in front of her. The familiarity of his body, his face doesn’t go unnoticed to her. She shakes, anxiety she thinks, however he looks collected and put together. His professional mask on, no emotions on display. She was right, he isn’t her Ben anymore. That would make this evening easier. She smiles with a bit of self-deprecation, because what was she expecting to see? The man she fell in love with?

“Hi,” he says. “May I come in?”

“Be my guest.” 

She steps aside, granting enough space for their bodies to avoid touching, but still too close that she picks up his scent.. She closes the door slowly and reclines against it.

“So. Here we are,” she says.

“Here we are” Ben repeats, “Rey, listen. I…” 

He stops, looking at the floor, rubbing his feet and running his hand in his hair. “Listen I,...” he stutters, and then she sees him. She sees the nervous boy of their first date, of their first kiss, of their first time.

She runs and jumps on him, circling her legs around his waist and her arms around his shoulders.

Ben takes a small step back to steady himself. He’s surprised; of all the scenarios he had imagined for this moment, this was never one of them. Nevertheless, he doesn’t miss a beat and when he regains his balance and holds her tightly to himself. She pulls his hair to get better access to his neck and leaves a trail of open mouthed kisses on it, until she captures his earlobe with her teeth and bites. His mind goes blank, and he loses all trace of any plan he had, any restraint he wanted to show and moans, grabbing her ass. His body feels alive after nearly one year without her, and his heart feels complete again.

“Rey, fuck…” he exclaims when she starts pressing her core against his belt buckle, looking for some friction and moving her mouth down his jaw until she is dangerously close to his mouth. “Fuck, bab..”

“Shush!” she commands but she doesn’t look angry, just hungry. She traces her tongue along his lower lip slowy, intentionally without breaking eye contact. He holds the back of her neck possessively and brings her forehead to his, breathing heavily, and he’s going to combust. After a couple of seconds, or maybe minutes, of staring at each other, Rey angles her face like she’s about to kiss him, but before something happens there’s a loud knock in the door. 

“Room Service!”

“What the fuck?” She exclaims.

“Dinner,” he says as an explanation.

“Oh, dinner,” she repeats, disentangling herself from his body, stepping away towards the windows. He knows he’s messed up, he sees it in her face. 

Ben opens the door and lets the room attendant in.

“Where do you want this, sir?”

“Table” he offers.

Ben can feel the awkward tension in the room while the waiter unloads the trays and wine on the table, Rey is near the window and they exchange tense glances. When the waiter leaves the room, he walks over to her, not sure what to expect. She’s been quiet ever since the man knocked on the door.

She looks at him, anger boiling in her veins.

“This is a violation of our agreement.”

“Technically, it isn’t,” he says softly. “Hey, don’t be upset. It’s just food.”

“Ben, this isn’t a fucking date? Do you understand?” She spits and turns around with the intention of leaving the room. She’s in trouble. If she’s being honest with herself, she would have kissed him if they hadn’t gotten interrupted. 

He panics and grabs her by her twist, stopping her before it’s too late. 

“I thought we would be hungry… at some point. Please Rey. Stay.” He pulls her tentatively to him, and she doesn’t resist. When her back touches his chest he feels her relax into his touch, and decides to press his luck, running his hand down her arm to hers and bringing them to her waist. 

“It’s ok” he whispers, lowering his face to her cheek and nuzzling the spot there. She’s so soft and so warm, he could lose himself in the moment. He circles her with his other arm, his hand caressing the skin between her skirt and sweater. “We can do whatever you want. Whatever you need. I could leave, we could do… we could do what we came here to do, or we could just have dinner and you can decide later. I told you I’d do anything. Just tell me what you want.” 

She didn’t know until this very moment how much she’s missed the physicality of him engulfing her body and her senses. She needs to buy some time to understand her feelings, to puther ideas in order: anger, distrust, pain… but longing, desire and… something else cannot put a name on yet. Reys has never put down a free meal and she’s really hungry. She didn’t have a bite to eat the whole day. 

“Ok. Dinner will be fine.” She moves away from him, but doesn’t let go of his hand, pulling him to the table. 

They have dinner in a comfortable silence, sparing glances and every time it happens her stomach flutters. She sips at her wine, the Rioja she loves so much… and then a realization hits her. The upgrade of the room, the flowers decorating it, all of them her favorites. He ordered everything they had on their first date, at that fancy restaurant in SoHo… 

“Dessert?” He asks, looking at her with tentative eyes. She nods.

He raises the cover of a metallic tray, his hands trembling a bit. She realizes he’s worried, nervous she’s discovered his plan and will storm out any second.

Rey suppresses a gasp. Well that one she didn’t see coming. She thought it would be the same dessert they had on their first date, but it wasn’t. It was their first breakfast together, the first time she stayed the night at his place: pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream. She knows what he wants to tell her. 

* * *

_ She woke up and looked for Ben in the bed, he wasn’t there, his side was cold. _

_ “Ben,” she called out to him. “Ben, come back to bed.” _

_ “Hold on a second babe.” _

_ “Ben Solo, I swear to God if you left me alone in this huge bed because you are working out like every other morning… I’ll break up with you,” she threatened him, though her voice was playful. _

_ She heard footsteps heading toward the room. _

_ “Close your eyes, Rey”, his voice said behind the door. _

_ “Ok,” she said, sitting on the bed, her eyes well opened. She wasn’t used to surprises… to good surprises at least. _

_ “No cheating,” he said. _

_ “Ben, you know I don’t like surprises,” she said, pouting. _

_ “Do you trust me?” _

_Trust. Trusting people was something difficult for her. She only trusted Finn__t __dawned on her that she trusted Ben. They had been together for six months, and the whole time he_ _had been nothing but patient and caring with her. She could do this for him._

_ “Yes, I trust you,” she replied softly, closing her eyes. “You can come in now.” _

_ The mattress dipped and she felt his warm hand up and down on the small of her back, and she sighed happily. _

_ “Open your eyes now,” he said. _

_ In front of her was a tray full of homemade pancakes, strawberries, chocolate chips and whipped cream. _

_ “You made me breakfast?” He nodded. _

_ She took a pancake and put on top of it a bit of everything and stuffed it in her mouth. _

_ “It’s delicious,” she said, munching. _

_ “Oh! I see that” he laughed “no lady-like manners, huh?” _

_ “Nope! Food is a priority. You know, I could get used to this, breakfast in bed.” _

_ “...And you know, I’d happily make you breakfast every day,” he said, nuzzling into her neck in a deep voice that implied more things. _

  
  


_ She turned around and straddled him. _

_ “Would you?” She said with a seductive glance, while she scooped up some whipped cream with her forefinger and brought it to his mouth. _

_ “I’d do anything for you,” he said breathlessly, licking the whipped cream with his plush lips. That image did something to her, and she felt the heat low in her belly . She adjusted herself on top of him. _

_ “Anything?” She kept rocking on his lap, and gathered more cream on her finger. _

_ “Hmm uh … yes.” _

_ She put the cream all over his mouth and leaned in to kiss him slowly, eating the cream on his face. _

_ “Move in with me,” he took her face in his hands and looked at her with his intense brown eyes. “Not today if you’re not ready, nor tomorrow. ut someday, Rey. I’ll wait for you. You’re my world and I…” but he couldn’t finish because she was kissing him with a hunger she didn’t know she could feel. Her skin was on fire, and she wanted him more than ever. _

_ She brought her hand to his groin and he moaned with desire, grabbing her hips and gripping her tight. He was letting her be in control, do this on her own terms, and she knew it. She knew she would say yes. _

_ “Yes… I’ll move. Soon,” _

* * *

Rey looks at him before getting up from her chair, not breaking their connection. She sees Ben’s hesitation. 

“Pancakes?” It’s all she can say with an emotionless voice.

“Listen Rey… I’m sorry, it was a bad idea. I’m so stupid, sorry I don’t know what I was think..” but before he can continue she straddles his hips and sits on his lap.

“I think you should shut up Ben,” she says and takes whipped cream with her finger, bringing it to his mouth. ”And you should finish what you’ve started.” 

That’s it.

He grabs her neck and brings their foreheads together. She can feel his erection growing, and she needs him so badly it hurts.

“Ben, please.” 

“Tell me what you need, Rey” 

“Kiss me”

“Are you sure? You said...”

“I know what I said Ben, and we still need to talk. Believe me, we are going to talk a lot about everything, but if what you said was true, and you are sorry, and you missed me... I’ve missed you too and I have to apologise too. But, I need you to kiss me. Now, please.”

She doesn’t need to say it again. 

“As you wish.” 

They spent the night making up like teenagers, taking, laughing, crying... healing. Ben can’t stop touching her: her hair, her mouth, her skin... he doesn’t want to let her out of his sight for a second.

It’s nearly dawn when Rey stirs. Eyes still closed, she asks. “When do we have to leave this room?”

“No worries, we have a late check out and we could extend another night if we wanted,” he answers.

“Oh, were you so full of yourself you were sure this was going to happen?” She teases him.

“No,” he laughs, “it was my mother.”

“I adore your mother, Ben. She’s always so thoughtful.” 

“Can we not speak about my mother right now?” He answers, kissing her hungrily while running his huge hand over her body making Rey moan, his thigh creating friction between her legs. “I’d rather you thinking about me right now.”

“That’s easy. You are the only thing I could think about this past year,” she answers breathlessly when he brings his hand to take off her black panties. 

“Me too. It hasn’t been anyone else this year, Rey.” 

“Same.” 

“But you mentioned speed dating...”

“Are you jealous, Solo?”

“A bit” he says now, seriousness in his voice.

“That boy didn’t even get to first base,” she explains, running her fingers in his hair, and arching her back to press her chest to his. 

He takes advantage of the moment to wind his arm around her, crashing her into his body, making sure there isn’t an inch of her skin that isn’t touching his.

“Good,” he answers with his deep voice and a mischievous smile, “because I plan to ruin you for any other man, babe.”

“You don’t need to worry Ben, you ruined me for anyone else a long time ago.”

“I love you.” 

“Words,” she says, nudging his nose with hers. “I want you to show me.”

When he slides home inside her, and starts thrusting in an agonizing slow pace, he whispers. 

“Every single day from now. I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *** Epilogue here https://twitter.com/alwaysreylo/status/1289266506669334528?s=21  
***  
And here we go, this is the end of a journey that started in November 2019.
> 
> I was flying back from a beautiful island to Spain via Dubai and I spent 7 hours of that flight writing chapter 1, I was sooo inspired by this prompt, and I was impatient to share it. My beautiful and wonderful friend @hereforthereylo , agreed to beta this story and I connected to the inflight wireless and DM'ed her the bits I was writing. She reviewed and corrected my mistakes and then i was posting bits in twitter... I have to tell you that was the best night flight I've ever had ;-)
> 
> Initially this story was going to be 3 chapters, but finally we have landed in 4... plus a text epilogue I'll post in twitter, so follow my account @alwaysreylo (although I might transcript it eventually in AO3).
> 
> Thanks to all of you for reading along and support this story, I'd never imagine it would get so much love!
> 
> Please leave your comments, its the brightest moment of my quarantined days


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